You meet a person of interest and there is an immediate attraction. Lots of flirting, talking, laughing, sharing… You think you’ve met your soulmate after just a few hours. You can’t wait to see them again, so you see them the next day, and the next few days after that. On the 8th day of hanging out, they seem annoyed. You wonder why of course and ask if they are ok? They tell you it’s no big deal, but wondered why you didn’t text them back last night. You let them know that you simply fell asleep. They say “try not to let that happen again”. You laugh it off, they didn’t laugh…..Red Flag #1. A month goes by, and you have spent most days together. This day you want to go to happy hour with your friends. That annoyed person shows up again. They say “I thought we were going to spend time together”. You share that you haven’t seen your friends in a while and need to catch up with them. They become very frustrated, and say you should have let them know first. You say it’s only for a few hours, they become angrier, get mad and leaves. You’re sitting there wondering what just happened….Red Flag #2. . At this point it is clear or at least questionable that this person may have an issue with being controlling, which could be a sign of more serious issues, like being emotionally or physically abusive. Stop here! Do not ignore these signs! This is not normal behavior, a third red flag is not needed. This is a situation you should hopefully be trying to end at this point and not ignoring in hopes that the situation will improve, unless the person is aware of their issue and wants to get help for it. Even if that is the case, give that person their space and time to do that while not in a relationship with you. If you can avoid this situation early, I encourage that choice.
To help yourself never ignore these red flags you can understand and know what your expectations are in being in a romantic relationship, as well as understanding what healthy relationships look like. Also, know what your deal breakers and boundaries are because this helps you better understand what your expectations are. I have seen many clients who have ignored these types of red flags and have found themselves in emotional, physical, verbal or narcissistic abusive relationships. If you are finding yourself in a similar situation and need help trying to figure it out, I am here to help you understand what you want in a partner and help you see your situation in a different light to avoid a potentially negative relationship.