Coping with Grief During the Holidays Q&A w/Tyra Berger, LCPC

What are some signs that someone may be struggling with grief, even if they're

trying to mask it?

One may appear to be in denial by not showing any emotion or wanting to avoid discussing their feelings. They may also appear to be withdrawn, low energy and not participate in their normal activities or you may notice a change in their diet (losing or gaining weight).

For someone who is grieving, what small steps can they take to make the season

feel more manageable?

Make sure to check-in with yourself to see how you feel? It’s ok to set boundaries around this time as far as going to holiday events. Make a plan on what you do have capacity for. Find ways you can honor your loved one in ways that you are comfortable with. Lastly, reach out and connect with your support system during this time.

What should people avoid saying or doing when trying to comfort someone

experiencing loss?

First, I think it is important to be able to be present, acknowledge and listen to someone who is grieving. I would avoid trying to compare grief, by starting to talk about your own grief as this may make the person feel invalidated or unheard. Also, avoid trying to encourage them to “be strong” or “move on”, as people need to take their time to process their feelings and be able to grieve at their own pace.

What are some ways friends and family members can support someone grieving during the holidays?

Being able to provide a safe space for someone experiencing grief to be able to talk, vent or

express grief without judgment. Also, check in with your loved one regularly to let them know

you’re there and see how they are doing. Just simply being sympathetic goes a long way in

supporting a loved one through grief, by acknowledging how they are feeling and letting them

know you are there for them.

How can one deal with the guilt that sometimes accompanies finding moments of

happiness after a loss?

First acknowledging that it is totally normal to feel guilt and happiness at times while grieving aloss. Have compassion in allowing yourself to feel and express any emotion you may feel. Also, knowing that feeling happy or feeling any other positive emotion doesn’t diminish your love or respect for your loved one.

If someone feels stuck in their grief, what steps can they take to start moving forward?

First, find support in a therapist, grief counselor, support group or someone that you trust that you can open up to and share how you’re feeling. Take time for yourself to even really try to

understand grief so that you have insight and normalize what you’re experiencing. Self-care is

also huge in dealing with grief because you are intentionally tending your physical, emotional and mental well-being, which will help you build resilience over time. Also, acknowledge the loss, do things to honor your loved one by participating in an activity that they loved or write them a letter.

What is complicated grief?

Complicated grief is when a person has difficulty accepting the death of a loved one and

experiencing extreme sadness and being preoccupied with the loss for at least a year. This may cause them to neglect their normal daily home, work life and overall well-being. While grief may last for many years, experiencing it in this way long-term is not healthy . Seeking professional help from a therapist or grief counselor can help you manage the feelings and cope with the grief in a healthier way . Again, acknowledging your feelings, self-compassion, self-care and having a support system are all ways to cope with grief in a healthy way.